If words could only truly articulate what I'm feeling right now.
There's a sense of nausea forming in the pit of my stomach and rising up into the back of my throat. I am overcome with utter disgust at myself and the insecurities of every form of myself are bubbling up to the surface in violent waves. I don't like this.
Who gave my heart permission to hurt like this? To convulse and shake and stop and break.
Something is possessing me, stealing all control of me, because I have lost all function to remain cool, poised, and calm. I really don't like this.
I'm breathing in the fumes that are making me crazy. I'm manic. I'm obsessed. I'm frightened. I'm reckless.
There's a layer of skin, just buzzing. I feel like I'm simultaneously outside of it and fighting inside of myself.... I don't recognize me and yet I feel more like myself than ever. Like a superhero. Or super villain. I want it and loathe it. I don't know what to do with its power. And I can't just take it back.
