I had a dream about my dad last night. It's been a good while since the last time it's happened. The last time it happened, it was during the summer, when I was feeling especially lonely and overwhelmed by life. We were sitting on a bench at a picnic table. He grabbed my arms on either side of me and said, "Connie… know how much I love you." And then his body fell onto mine as he lost control of his mobility and I had to help him sit back down. It was a feeling that was familiar to me in my real life, a feeling I suppose has become ingrained in my subconscious.
Last night, it was a little bit similar. He was mad at my mom for buying a new car (my mom just traded in her car). He came walking, fumbling, towards me and told me he loved me before wrapping his arms around me. I wasn't sure if he was actually hugging me or had just lost his balance. Again, that familiar feeling of holding someone who couldn't hold himself up…. it felt so real. I think that's what people mean when they say certain people come to them in dreams. I never really experienced that before. Sure, I've had dreams of people before, but never of someone who left such a tangible impression…. as though the memory of him in my dream was just as potent as if I had seen him in person the day before. It's different than just the mere action of remembering…. I can think of my dad, in his final days, and that image becomes more faint… but the image of him in my dream is clear as day, now, and it's an incredibly strange phenomenon. Was he there? And if he was, where is he now?
I also dreamt that I had moved to Oregon. I was surrounded by forest and art and peace. I woke up wondering, "What if?"
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